Hello, how do you do?
I am sorry that this letter could not be written over better circumstances but I would like to formally complain about an incident that you were involved in yesterday morning.
As you are a morbidly obese fellow, I feel as if you are often discriminated against because of your size. In fact, perhaps as a knee-jerk reaction to this letter, the thought might have crossed your mind that this would be about me getting on my high horse and chastening you for being so large.
Well then, shame on you, morbidly obese man. Maybe we need to start this letter over so that you can better understand my intentions!
Dear Morbidly Obese man,
Dude what is wrong with you?
For realsies WTF.
Dear Morbidly Obese man,
Dude what is wrong with you?
For realsies WTF.
why did you have to bring McDonalds onto the bus with you yesterday morning?
Number one, it made the whole bus smell like a fudging hamburger, and number two....I don't even need number two. What the hell possesses you to eat at frickin' McDonalds at 8 o'clock in the morning? I didn't even know they SOLD hamburgers that early. Well, I know they do now thanks to you. You walking up the stairs wheezing and chowing down on the hamburger like nobody's business.
And THEN-You started to snore. You made that congested snorting sound- I felt like I was in your nose that's how loud it was. And then you would be quiet for like ten seconds and then gasp loudly as if it was Girl Scout Camp all over again and I was trying to drown you in the lake because you said I was flat-chested.
Anyway, I am not even going to suggest I am any authority on the medical field but I really do think you have sleep apnea. And can't you die from sleep apnea? I'm going to google it.
Okay, I'm back. The answer is yes. You are going to die of sleep apnea. Congratulations.
Anyway-
I hope that in future bus rides you can stop yourself from eating McDonalds and snoring loudly or die from sleep apnea.
I hope that in future bus rides you can stop yourself from eating McDonalds and snoring loudly or die from sleep apnea.
Sincerely
-C
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